26 SEPT 2016 // 2158 HRS

 

what do you like?

have you wondered?

i wonder sometimes, really

what do i really like?

 

do i like what i'm doing

or is it just something i chose

to pass by days in lectures

do homework for the next tutorial

just for a grade on paper

and a scroll 

for four years

do i like it, i wonder

 

do i like something else

if i do

why didn't i try to chase it?

too little money

too little time

not realistic, maybe

(excuses)

but then i've stayed there

not reaching for it

at all

 

you see

i think all these thoughts

but i'm scared

to go out there and do

do what i want

there's expectations

there's life

 

so if you're afraid

(like i am)

there's nothing wrong with being afraid

not everyone 

is brave

(i'm not brave

not at all)

 

it's your life

you can be afraid

  25 SEPT 2016 // 0411 HRS

let me ask you

if you could draw your life on a graph

what do you think

yours would look like

 

some people have it smooth

a steady incline upwards

nothing steep nothing extreme

but the steadiness is questionable

that there is no drop downwards

at any point

and you wonder

is everything handed to them on a tray

presented to them

a selection of choices, a buffet 

and all they need to do is pick one

and the line of their life just climbs steadily up

 

(is it karma is it fate, is it real)

 

for others

the increase is sharp, unexpected

the line skyrockets at a steep angle

and you think

maybe they got lucky

maybe they hit that jackpot

or was it because their steady work

has paid off?

the gradient makes your stomach churn

will i get lucky? you wonder

but is the increase good or bad

you never find out

 

(you don't live their lives, they do)

 

there are some that go right down

declining, declining

hitting zero

it stays there for a while

and then it goes below the x-axis

(it's negative now)

and you think 

do they know that it is dropping? 

maybe they don't know, maybe they do

will the line ever make a turn 

and head up 

will things turn around for them

does it get better

 

(maybe you helped, maybe not)

 

and yours

yours flickers, wavers

like the ECG graph

that measures your heartbeats

you go through ups and downs

crying, laughing, emotions

some people stay, some don't

and you think

you're just average, nothing special

you think

there's joy, you're happy

and it's enough

 

(it's your life, you live it)

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Phyllie

February 2017

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