17 FEB 2017 // 0110 HRS

 

one cool blade, against pale

skin pressing lightly just

a bit then a bit

harder

 

no red so again just a bit

harder, against the smooth

surface until it

breaks

 

pain does not shoot through

your veins it is merely

routine, one way of

relief


16 FEB 2017 // 0157 HRS

one house of cards
falling down down down down
down where? the rabbit hole?
things like that don't exist
only in books, they tell you

the cards just collapse
falling down down down down
landing on the table
barely making a sound
the whisper of wind that toppled
them curls and unfurls
there and gone, you think

your life crumbles slowly
faling down down down down
pieces chipped away by the wear
and tear of time and experience
heartbreak, broken friendships,
disappointments, bitter tastes
in your mouth left. on your tongue
there it goes, you sigh

life doesn't fall apart like a house
of cards; your life isn't like that
it crumbles and chips and wears
down down down down
4 NOV 2016 // 2004 HRS

turn back time
she whispered as her head drooped down
hung in defeat, hung in despair
she doesn't know what to do

turn back time
she thought as she set fire to the notebook
a flicker of flame, a flicker of hope
wavering with the breeze

turn back time
she couldn't say the words out loud though
the paper crinkled, the paper shriveled
dreams gone up in smoke

sacrifices made in vain

28 OCT 2016 // 1652 HRS

(for Andrea)

you wondered if it was alright
to smile that bright
when you looked at him
and you thought
was it wrong that you were
smiling

it hadn't been that long ago

but then he slipped his hand
into yours, gently
holding your fingers carefully
and he smiled at you
the corner of his mouth curving up
his lips forming the words
it's okay

he had been gone too soon

and you wondered
what was it about him
that made you smile
again
pushed away the veil of clouds
shone sunbeams into your heart
happiness

he wants you to be happy

you held his hand back
smiled back at him
leaned your forehead against his
and you thought
in your heart, from the bottom
no regrets

there's nothing wrong
with moving on
because i want to see you smile
so smile for me
but also for him

 

2 OCT 2016 // 0050 HRS


the universe has

a lot of mysterious paths

i think mine

was destined to cross with you


it was much simpler

not like what you see in the movies

no star-studded gazes

no earth-shattering momentums

nothing like that


it's not instant

it's slow

but then my universe just

fell into place

around you


i learnt things

how you smile in the morning

how you make pancakes

how your nose scrunches up 

how you blush from your ears


it's not a huge fuss

nothing so dramatic

so overplayed

it doesn't need a tragedy

for it to work out


it's simple

and your warmth underneath my palm

is my universe

the four letters


l. o. v. e. 

26 SEPT 2016 // 2158 HRS

 

what do you like?

have you wondered?

i wonder sometimes, really

what do i really like?

 

do i like what i'm doing

or is it just something i chose

to pass by days in lectures

do homework for the next tutorial

just for a grade on paper

and a scroll 

for four years

do i like it, i wonder

 

do i like something else

if i do

why didn't i try to chase it?

too little money

too little time

not realistic, maybe

(excuses)

but then i've stayed there

not reaching for it

at all

 

you see

i think all these thoughts

but i'm scared

to go out there and do

do what i want

there's expectations

there's life

 

so if you're afraid

(like i am)

there's nothing wrong with being afraid

not everyone 

is brave

(i'm not brave

not at all)

 

it's your life

you can be afraid

  25 SEPT 2016 // 0411 HRS

let me ask you

if you could draw your life on a graph

what do you think

yours would look like

 

some people have it smooth

a steady incline upwards

nothing steep nothing extreme

but the steadiness is questionable

that there is no drop downwards

at any point

and you wonder

is everything handed to them on a tray

presented to them

a selection of choices, a buffet 

and all they need to do is pick one

and the line of their life just climbs steadily up

 

(is it karma is it fate, is it real)

 

for others

the increase is sharp, unexpected

the line skyrockets at a steep angle

and you think

maybe they got lucky

maybe they hit that jackpot

or was it because their steady work

has paid off?

the gradient makes your stomach churn

will i get lucky? you wonder

but is the increase good or bad

you never find out

 

(you don't live their lives, they do)

 

there are some that go right down

declining, declining

hitting zero

it stays there for a while

and then it goes below the x-axis

(it's negative now)

and you think 

do they know that it is dropping? 

maybe they don't know, maybe they do

will the line ever make a turn 

and head up 

will things turn around for them

does it get better

 

(maybe you helped, maybe not)

 

and yours

yours flickers, wavers

like the ECG graph

that measures your heartbeats

you go through ups and downs

crying, laughing, emotions

some people stay, some don't

and you think

you're just average, nothing special

you think

there's joy, you're happy

and it's enough

 

(it's your life, you live it)

**edited 27 SEPT 2016**

will no longer be posting fanfictions here!! this will be a poetry log instead!

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Phyllie

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